You wake up placing your feet on the floor and it's a struggle to move one foot in front of the other. That mixed feeling of hopelessness, shame and being worthless makes you wonder whats the point to this? Who will benefit? WHAT will your decisions achieve?

You go back to bed.


It's now a new day and you tell yourself you ARE going to make it past your bedroom door, you WILL talk to somebody today other than the walls of your room and you CAN smile. Just once a small smile for maybe your sister or brothers, one small smile isn't too much to ask is it?

Your body walks and you pick out new clothes from your closet. Everything in there looks so bright and strange, like the colours of a circus but a harsh reminder of a time you wish you could get back. Looking in the mirror you don't know the person who looks back at you, standing still you stare at the wreck that stares at you. Your arm itches and you jump as the person in the mirror mirrors your actions. Tears run down her face, YOUR face and there mother finds you staring. She puts you back in bed.


It's a new day and you wake up to stare at your ceiling. You stare for so long that you remember the shame and pain of yesterday's actions. You couldn't even smile once let alone step out of your room, you decide to stay in bed. Pulling the covers back over your head you lay still, so still that for a moment one sweet moment you believe you've actually disappeared.


It's a new day and you can hear the sounds of people, they sound like they are getting ready. Voices yell at each other to hurry up and not forget their tissues. Terrified you jump off your bed to huddle underneath it in the darkest corner you can find. There you hope that the yelling voices can't find you. Somebody knocks at your door and enters shouting words at somebody behind them, you start to whimper. You can see feet that stop at your bed and suddenly a face appears. You know that face but it feels like years since you have seen it. Your eyes wide you stare at the face which just looks at you, tears form in it's eyes and without another word the face retreats, the sound of feet disappearing behind your once again, closed door.

Crawling out from under your bed you move to lay back on top of it but stop and instead move to sit on your window sill. You remember that face and try to remember things about the person, things to put with the face. You know that you know something but all you remember are those eyes once, looking at you in horror.

You go back to bed and cry.


It's a new day and straight away you get out of bed, today you are driven by something unseen, something that you don't understand, the same thing that makes the tears run down your face. With your hand on the door knob you turn it and step out quickly closing the door behind you. Panic takes over and spinning you scratch at the door trying to make it open, you don't know what to do you keep scratching hoping that you can get back inside the room behind that door. You can't remember why you want to go back there you just remember that it's safe and being safe is the most important thing in the world.


It's a new day, you don't get up, you don't move, you don't remember, you don't stare.


You disappear.